![\"woman](\"https:\/\/heuristic-swartz.216-225-204-205.plesk.page\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/thw2sk-646e-682x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nDating Boundaries<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
So I let this very inebriated man get into the front passenger seat of my car. He directed me to his house somewhat coherently. Parked outside his house, I noticed it was 2:30am. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay, here we are,\u201d I said. It was an indicator that he should get out of the car. In the tired and \u201cover it\u201d state I was in, he was no longer looking good to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still wearing his seatbelt, he leaned over to me. He said something like \u201cGimme a kiss\u201d or \u201cCome \u2018ere.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I turned my head away. \u201cYou should go in. It\u2019s late.\u201d I unbuckled my seatbelt. At the moment, I wasn\u2019t thinking about why, I was just reacting. In retrospect, unbuckling my seatbelt was probably in response to his behavior, an instinctive response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Again, he leaned in, his arms reaching out. He had a clear intention to kiss me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said, knowing I needed to be clear because the alcohol was affecting his brain cells. After a few seconds while he kept leaning over toward me, I backed up the boundary by pushing him gently back to his side of the car. \u201cNo,\u201d I repeated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We sat there a few more seconds. I looked around. \u201cI\u2019m tired. You should go in, sleep it off.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But once again, he leaned over, hands stretching toward my shoulders. Face looming closer and closer. I did not want to kiss him. I had set my boundary in a variety of ways, both gentle and firm, and neither had worked. I really needed him to hear me this time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo!\u201d I said, raising my voice. I accompanied it with a one-handed shove to the center of his chest. Something broke through this time; the force, volume, tone of voice, and body language I gave him all backed my boundary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He blinked, opened the door, remembered his seat belt, and practically fell out of the car. I locked my car door, buckled back in, and drove away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dating Safety<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t regret having a fun night dancing with that groomsman. I don\u2019t even regret giving him a ride home. It\u2019s important to retain our humanity and our capacity for generosity, even while we\u2019re trying to remain safe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All of us should be free to make the choices we want to in the moment, even when it comes to dating safety. Nothing is ever our fault if it ends up being an uncomfortable or unsafe situation.<\/strong> And, we can also have some skills in order to know what to do if something happens. Just like this situation. I know many self-defense skills, but that doesn\u2019t make me infallible. It doesn\u2019t make me immune to boundary violations. It makes me just as human as anyone else. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This story illustrates how everyone is just as capable of keeping safe, whether they have self-defense skills or not. These are just a few of the dichotomies of self-defense: <\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Violence is never anyone\u2019s fault, and<\/em> we can learn skills to keep us safer; <\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Everyone already has all the skills they need to keep safe, and<\/em> we can learn to improve these skills and add to them so we have many more choices and options in order to protect ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to learn some dating safety skills, safe dating tips, and online dating safety strategies, reach out about our classes<\/a>. <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sometimes we make choices that aren\u2019t aligned with our values or best selves. Or maybe we ignore red flag behaviors on a date because we are human and there are a lot of factors that might affect decision-making. A few years ago, I made a choice, and I ended up having to use my empowerment […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":453,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self-defense"],"yoast_head":"\n